I forgot

How when I’m drunk I sometimes feel bad

And I can’t always brush it off

Even if she tells me to

Because watching them kiss makes me throw up every time

I know where his lips were

Have they touched her breasts? What I experienced with him was the most deeply personal and sexual experience of my entire lifetime so far

But I’m only sixteen

I’m a baby still

A baby in love

But a baby looks up at the world (up at the moon, same difference)

With cat calling eyes and wonders, howling wonders, what a wonder he is with the nook below nose and nose round as any moon I’ve ever seen but I kiss it only in my dreams

In which he lifts me up

Again

Again

Again

When I’m done performing he steps out of the shadows

I knew he would come

He kisses me as he lifts me

And my foot is popped

Both of them

One a little more crooked than the other, but they’re kicking back and forth like in a pool a pool of his eyes of my tears when I realize he didn’t come but I hold them back until I’m back in my room punching walls over some other boy

Who in reality I know doesn’t really matter

But when even my recovery boy has recovered and I’m still left flapping about like a dead goldfish dying goldfish dead fucking goldfish I know there’s a serious problem with love with being in love everytime crying all the while everything has become about just him and i. I can picture the two of us melting together.

And all boundaries melting away in something that I really thought couldn’t be special, that I really wasn’t sure I believed in, I’m still not sure, make me sure, make me believe in love, make me believe that sex can be beautiful and special, make my first time like that please?